Category Archives: Uncategorized

Oh my arachnid brother, you are so small and yet you have so many legs. If a man had so many eyes and legs he would be a fearful sight. But on you my friend, they are quite alright.

Oh Banana Who I shall call the most curv-ed of fruits. Why must ye be so cruel to me. You doth sit upon my kitchen counter, green then yellow the brown as time ticketh by. Now you are green and so I wait to put you sliced upon a plate. If only I could catchContinue reading “Ode to the Banana”

Michael Jordan sucks at basketball. You heard me. Everybody always talks about how great Michael Jordan is at basketball, but I went back and watched all of his games and I think he sucks. I’m better at basketball than Michael Jordan. I can dunk from probably, you guessed it, one hundred yards. Probably more ifContinue reading “Michael Jordan Sucks At Basketball”

Money, you say? Yes, well we could all use more of it, couldn’t we? You want more you say? A raise? No, no. I don’t think so. It’s a horrible thing to speak of money. Horribly base. No, no. You are looking at this all wrong, my boy. It’s not money that you need. No.Continue reading “Money”

One day, I was driving home from work, and I came upon a turtle in the road. I carefully drove around the turtle and began to drive away. As I moved along, it occurred to me that I should stop and move the turtle to safety. Excuses flashed through my mind as to why IContinue reading “The Turtle”

Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s the cops. The cops? Yeah, it’s the cops. Open up. I get up, open the door. What can I do for you, officers? You’re under arrest. We’re gonna have to take you in. Under arrest? What for? Says here, under arrest for destroying a human life. Destroying a human life?Continue reading “Knock Knock”

My buddy is a good guy. I met my buddy at a Chinese restaurant. He was sitting on the counter. He asked if I could give him a ride. I said sure. Just let me get my fried rice. We drive around the city. My buddy tells me that life is suffering. I feel ya,Continue reading “My Buddy”

Here’s the thing dude. Basically, when it comes down to it, It’s a matter of practicality. You have to look at this thing reasonably. Logically. If you get all emotional about it then you’re not going to be able to… You’re not going to be able to do the things that you need to do,Continue reading “Here’s the thing, dude”

The noble oak My favorite plant As mighty as an elephant One’s trunk is brown The other gray But I’ll take either  Any day

Alone again Walking dark hallways in dreams Awakening in the night outside of space and time And not a point of light in the sky